Blog

If the stepmother is my peer

! Without a column

If the stepmother is my peer

Today we live longer, get divorced more than once and enter into repeated marriages … But all this happens in the relationship of our parents. And sometimes they form in such bizarre forms that we are not at all easy.

“When his father was fifty, he threw our family and went to a woman who was thirty years younger than him,” says 42-year-old Alena. – And then he married again, Kristina – but she is thirty years younger than him! I could not perceive the girl younger than me as a stepmother and stopped all the relationship with them “.

Alena’s feelings expose the inconvenient truth: it is impossible to ignore the differences between generations. “Father takes care of Christina, like her beloved daughter. He cares about her as he did not care about my sister with us when we were teenagers “.

Difficulties in the relationship between the stepmother and the daughter of the father from their former marriage have existed since the Institute of Family itself appeared. It is enough to recall the favorite motive of fairy tales, where the evil stepmother is kidding and tries to destroy the stepdaughter, often – the beloved daughter of her father.

The stories of Snow White and Cinderella prepare us for the stepmother will not love the stepdaughter with maternal love, but they do not warn about what conflicts may arise in cases where they are peers.

Today, such situations happen more and more often. Perhaps because many men consider a young wife one of the signs of a high status. Or because it became easier for them to maintain a youthful look and good physical shape.

Causes of hostility

The father’s new marriage painfully responds in the soul of daughters. In the relationship between them, the shadow of the Oedipus complex always hits, in which the girl unconsciously dreams of being next to her father and taking the place of her mother.

“In girls, an incestoose desire for father is partially replaced, suppressed at the age of about five years,” says psychoanalyst Elina Zimina. – But in adolescence, this fantasy is revived, filled with new meaning and fueled by growing sexuality. The girl again has to look for ways to cope with her. And when the father of a young woman marries her peer, it revives a conflict: her unconscious fantasy came true – but not with her!”

In childhood, a love for her mother, whose affection and care, was a guarantee of security for her, helped to cope with the forbidden desire for her father. Love softens hostility towards the same mother as a rival in the struggle for her father. But there is no love in relations with the stepmother, there is only one hostility.

“Depending on how usually my daughter copes with her hostility, there may not be an external conflict between them,” Elina Zimina said. “But her internal conflict is inevitable”.

The stepmother also has reasons for concern. The former family of her husband, his older children is another side of his life, and she, like the new family, requires his attention

“The claims of relatives will most likely cause a young wife’s instinctive desire to defend her husband for himself and the new family,” says psychoanalyst Lola Komarova. – Wife has to protect the boundaries of her family and at the same time restrain jealousy for her husband’s past life. “.

And here much depends on the man, because the struggle between his daughter and his young wife goes for him, or rather, for those attention and care, including material, which he can devote to them. Such competition can be even pleasant to him, but leads to constant conflicts.

“It is important to rely not on instincts, but on a sense of justice,” says Lola Komarova. – A man can feel guilty before her daughter and therefore follow her, allowing her to destroy her new family. Or it can be passionate about his wife and, following her desires, neglected her daughter. “. The situation itself gives rise to mutual hostility. To reduce stress, a man needs to clearly indicate the border between the old and the new family, between his wife and daughter.

Insulting femininity

Difficulties in the relationship between the stepdaughter and the stepmother arise not only because of the proximity of. Psychoanalysts remind us that we are not talking about a triangle of relations, but about a quadrangle, which includes the former spouse. It turns out that the divorce left in her life is important.

“Divorce of parents, especially if the father leaves, is always traumatic for my daughter. This means that the mother is not unique, replaced. Because of this, the girl’s own value is in doubt, her self-confidence is undermined, ”says Elina Zimina.

Father’s departure can be perceived by the daughter as a betrayal, not only in relation to the mother, but also to herself, since she identifies herself with her mother. This is a painful blow to pride. “When the new wife turns out to be the same age as his daughter, for the latter it becomes a double betrayal – as if the father changed not only his wife, but also his daughter,” explains Lola Komarova.

This is heard in the words of 25-year-old Christina. “Father threw his mother when she was 49 years old,” Kristina recalls. – He tried to explain to me what happened to him. I can’t say that I forgave him, but we sometimes met, called up. And then he married his 27-year-old graduate student, and I felt that I just could not see him ”.

On the contrary, if the father’s new relations do not reject the former, if the mother, for her part, is able to build an emotional life and feel like a full -fledged woman, this will help her daughter survive the crisis and avoid breaking up with her father.

Time work

“Lena, my stepmother, only two years older than me,” says 34-year-old Natalya. – With my father, they have been living together for more than five years. We get along normally with each other, we go to the cinema together, sometimes we laugh at my father’s quirks … But I still feel that she is with him, she is not my friend ”.

This example shows that good relations between the stepdaughter and the stepmother are possible if both recognize and respect the boundaries of relations. However, Natalya recalls, relations did not work out immediately. “At first I didn’t like Lena. It seemed to me that she could not sincerely love a man twice as long as herself. Helped how the mother reacted to this. She said: “In the end, everyone has the right to his life”. Gradually, I got used to it. And of course, it is important that my father treats me as before. “.

When a daughter finds out about a new marriage of her father, pain and sadness are the most normal feelings that she may have. But over time, feelings change

“At the very beginning, stormy experiences and, possibly, even attempts to intervene in the father’s family life is a completely natural reaction of the daughter to the crisis, which for her becomes a new marriage of her father,” says Elina Zimina. “You can treat this with understanding and try to help her survive a difficult period.”.

External manifestations of a crisis reaction are largely dependent on education and culture-for someone it is normal to beat plates, others will be limited to harsh views and internal experiences. If you do not nourish this reaction with new insults, then good relations will gradually return.

“It is better to understand a man that his life will not be simple – if he, of course, wants to maintain relations with children from his previous marriage,” says Lola Komarova. And if adults, the daughters, in turn, do not “hold” the father, recognizing him the right to his own life.

“From the side it seemed that I was a jealous of a stepdaughter”

Svetlana, 48 years old, former stepmother Irina, 42 years old

“When Oleg and I got married, I

was 38 years old, and his daughter Irina 32 years old. The first seven years everything went fine. Irina lived in Yekaterinburg, with her husband. We saw each other two or three times a year when she came to Moscow and stopped with us. There were no warm relations between us. Ira always tried to demonstrate her influence on my father.

On one of her first visits, Oleg and I were going to mark some date in our relationship and have dinner together. But I had to go to the cafe with Irina, because she had a scandal. The next day, she said that she hates me. Somehow we were rivals in the struggle for Oleg.

During the crisis, Ira lost her job, parted with her husband. Oleg himself invited her to move to Moscow, arranged for her work. He did not talk to me about it, and it was very offensive. Then, one after another, small, but annoying cases began to occur – borrowed and irrevocable things, the car, which she took “for a while”, but could not give. All this happened behind Oleg. I did not have the opportunity to talk to him about it, he already thought that I am addicted to his daughter.

And then there was an extremely unpleasant case that accelerated everything. My company rented an office in the building owned by Oleg. I was engaged in organizing PR events and at one of them unexpectedly met Irina, who was definitely not in the list of invited. I made her a remark. She answered so that Oleg, who was also at this reception, did not hear: “Unlike you, I am here!”

It was already too much, and I demanded that we meet, all three, and talk. But Oleg did not come, and a few months after that we parted. I waited, hoped that he would change his mind. We met again, and he told me that he felt guilty before Ira, because she was an unwanted child. They got married with her mother when she was already pregnant. And he tried to compensate his daughter with the lack of his love.

Oleg said then that he was ready to make an effort. We started to live together again. Once, on his anniversary, he invited the whole family, with the exception of me. Oleg explained that he did not want us to meet with Irina, but I realized that he had finally made a choice. I left him. I know that he was worried for a long time, he said that he “made stupidity” ..

Leave your thought here

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Kelly Clarkson Faces Backlash Over Weight Loss Drug Use | The View Kelly Clarkson Admits To Using Weight Loss Drug Kelly Clarkson REVEALS Weight Loss Was Prompted By “Pre-Diabetic” Diagnosis | E! News Kelly Clarkson Says She’s on a Weight Loss Drug Kelly Clarkson faces backlash over use of weight loss drug Kelly Clarkson says weight loss is aided by prescription medication Kelly Clarkson Reveals She Used Weight-Loss Shots Kelly Clarkson reveals weight loss is aided by prescription medication Kelly Clarkson's Weight Loss Journey: What Did She Say About Ozempic? Kelly Clarkson CONFESSES to Taking Weight-Loss Drug — Not Ozempic! Kelly Clarkson Confirms Taking Weight-Loss Drug: 'Everybody Thinks It' Ozempic. It's Not' Kelly Clarkson REVEALS How She Lost a Reported 60 Lbs.! Kelly Clarkson Denies OZEMPIC For Her Drastic Weight Loss | E! News Kelly Clarkson Shares Health Diagnosis That Sparked Weight Loss Chief Medical Officer Reacts to Kelly Clarkson's Weight Loss Kelly Clarkson uses weight- loss that's not Ozempic Kelly Clarkson - Diet Gummy Scam Exposed Kelly Clarkson Keto Gummies For Weight Loss,Reviews, Price! United States Kelly Clarkson Losing Weight KETO ACV GUMMIES – ⚠️((MY REVIEW!))⚠️ – KETO ACV GUMMIES KELLY CLARKSON - KETO ACV REVIEWS Kelly Clarkson Admits 'Dropping Weight' Per Doctor's Orders Kelly Clarkson explains recent weight loss KETO ACV GUMMIES KELLY CLARKSON ⚠️((MY REVIEW!))⚠️ - KELLY CLARKSON WEIGHT LOSS GUMMIES KETO ACV GUMMIES KELLY CLARKSON ⚠️((MY REVIEW!))⚠️ - KELLY CLARKSON WEIGHT LOSS GUMMIES Kelly Clarkson shares her weight loss secret Destiny Keto Gummies SCAM and FAKE Reviews, Plus Kelly Clarkson and Billy Gardell Kelly Clarkson Gummies Scam for Weight Loss Keto Genesis Gummies Kelly Clarkson Scam (2024) Kelly Clarkson keto ACV Gummies weight loss SlimFusion Keto ACV Gummies Kelly Clarkson 'Today' Show Scam, Explained The TRUTH Behind Kelly Clarkson's Weight Loss & Keto Gummies Activlife Keto ACV Gummies Reviews and Kelly Clarkson and 'Shark Tank' Scam, Explained Kelly Clarkson Reveals How She's Lost Weight The TRUTH Behind Kelly Clarkson’s Weight Loss & the Plant Paradox Diet Keto Melt Keto + ACV Gummies Weight Loss Scam with Kelly Clarkson and Fake Reviews, Explained Total Fit Keto Weight Loss Gummies Kelly Clarkson Deepfake Scam Al Roker defends Kelly Clarkson on weight loss drug confession Kelly Clarkson and More Stars Who've Admitted to Using Weight-Loss Shots Total Fit Keto ACV Gummies-Kelly Clarkson WeightLoss Gummies Reviews |TotalFit Keto Shark Tank Scam? SCAM ALERT: Kelly Clarkson Keto Weight Loss Gummies Deepfake Videos on Facebook and Instagram Scam Alert: Keto Accel Keto ACV Gummies and Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss Claims Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss DEEPFAKE SCAM (2024) Total Keto Gummies SCAM with Kelly Clarkson (2023) Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss SCAM for Ignite Keto Gummies (2023) Kelly Clarkson Reveals What Kick Started Her Weight Loss Journey #Shorts Kelly Clarkson Ketology Keto Gummies Reviews and Scam Website, Explained KetoIQ Keto ACV Gummies Kelly Clarkson Scam and Reviews, Explained Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss - ✅ Kelly Clarkson Gummies - How Kelly Clarkson Lose Weight? Kelly Clarkson Keto Gummies Scam! (2023) Fact Check Kelly Clarkson Keto Gummies Reviews False Claim That Celebrity Has Endorsed Weight Kelly Clarkson Keto Fusion Gummies [SCAM ALERT] IS IT 100% PROFITABLE SUPPLEMENT? READ FIRST Ignite Keto Gummies 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Scam and Fake Reviews Kelly Clarkson Addresses Backlash Over Weight Loss Following Ozempic Accusations Pure Balance Keto Gummies Kelly Clarkson Does It Work? The Real Truth about Kelly Clarkson's Extreme Weight Loss Diet Kelly Clarkson Keto Blast Gummies:- (Fake Exposed 2023), Reviews, Price & Where To Buy? Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss (2023) - The Secret That Made Her Lose 40 Pounds! How Kelly Clarkson Lost 37 LBs In Just A Few Months! Kelly Clarkson's 'Pre-Diabetic' Diagnosis Drove Her To Lose Weight Kelly Clarkson Trinity Keto ACV Gummies Beware Scam Complaints & Fake Side Effects! BREAKING: Meta Profits from Scams – Watch 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss Gummies Ads Mach5 Keto ACV Gummies 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Scam and Reviews, Explained TrimKeto Boost Keto + ACV Gummies Scam with Kelly Clarkson, Plus Reviews Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss Scam Deepfake Ads Are Everywhere on Facebook and Instagram. Meta Profits Kelly Clarkson Reveals Reason For Weight Loss Kelly Clarkson's 41 Pound Weight Loss Journey: Before and After Kelly Clarkson's 2023 Keto Gummies: Weight Loss Truth?" Kelly Clarkson Keto scam or benefits for weight loss? KETO ACV GUMMIES – ⚠️((MY REVIEW!))⚠️ – KETO ACV GUMMIES KELLY CLARKSON - KETO ACV REVIEWS Kelly Clarkson 'Pooped Out' Bad Fats for Weight Loss Is a Massive Facebook Scam Kelly Clarkson Keto Gummies Endorsement Deepfake Video (SCAM ALERT) Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss Gummies - (⛔DON’T FALL FOR THIS⛔) Kelly Clarkson Weight Loss Gummies! VibeZ Keto Gummies 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Scam and Reviews, Explained Is Kelly Clarkson Keto Gummies Really Works? Side Effects, Scam Updated 2022 Ignite Keto Gummies 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Scam and Fake Reviews Impact Keto ACV Gummies 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson Scam and Reviews, Explained Kelly Clarkson Keto SCAM for Weight Loss Gummies, Explained KetoIQ Keto ACV Gummies Scam with 'Shark Tank' and Kelly Clarkson, Plus Reviews, Amazon and Walmart Royal Keto Gummies Reviews and Scam w%2F Ree Drummond and Kelly Clarkson, Explained Proton Keto ACV Gummies Weight Loss Scam with Billy Gardell, Kelly Clarkson and Tim McGraw, Exposed (DEEPFAKE) KELLY CLARKSON Keto Gummies Review - Fake Endorsement Claim #scamalert WHAT DID KELLY CLARKSON TAKE TO LOSE WEIGHT? Everything You Need to Know About the Diet Kelly Clarkson Says Changed Her Life! What Gummies did Kelly Clarkson Take to Lose Weight What Gummies did Kelly Clarkson Take to Lose Weight KELLY CLARKSON WEIGHT LOSS GUMMIES – ⚠️((REVELEAD!))⚠️ – WHAT DID KELLY CLARKSON DO TO LOSE WEIGHT? KETO ACV GUMMIES – ⚠️((MY REVIEW!))⚠️ – KETO ACV GUMMIES KELLY CLARKSON - KETO ACV REVIEWS KETO ACV GUMMIES - ((BEWARE!!)) - ACV Keto Gummies - ACV Gummies Review - ACV Gummies Reviews ESSENTIAL KETO GUMMIES AUSTRALIA (⚠️ALERT⚠️) ESSENTIAL KETO GUMMIES REVIEW - ESSENTIAL KETO GUMMIES KETO ACV GUMMIES REVIEWS KETO ACV GUMMIES - ((BEWARE!!)) - ACV Keto Gummies - ACV Gummies Review - ACV Gummies Reviews Bliss Keto – (BE CAREFUL) - Bliss Keto Acv Gummies Reviews – Bliss Keto Acv Gummies Amazon Hero Keto Acv Gummies – BEWARE-Hero Keto Gummies Review -Is Hero Keto Gummies Safe KETO ACV GUMMIES - ((BEWARE!!)) - ACV Keto Gummies - ACV Gummies Review - ACV Gummies Reviews Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies explained 2024 (( WATCH THIS!! )) - Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Reviews Ketogenesis Keto Acv Gummies – (THE TRUTH) - Ketogenesis Keto Gummies Review –Does Ketogenesis Work? Active Life Keto Acv Gummies – (BE CAREFUL)- Active Life Keto Gummies Reviews – Is Active Life Safe? ACTIVLIFE ACV KETO GUMMIES REVIEW ⚠️ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW⚠️ ACTIVLIFE KETO GUMMIES! ACTIVLIFE GUMMIES Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Scam explained 2024 (( WATCH THIS!! )) - Shark Tank Keto Gummies Reviews Shark Tank Keto ACV Gummies Reviews (( WATCH OUT!! )) - Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies explained 2024 Shark Tank Keto ACV Gummies ❌⚠️(ALERT)❌⚠️ Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies - Shark Tank Keto Gummies 6 Pack Keto ACV Gummies Reviews Shark Tank ❌⚠️(ALERT)❌⚠️ Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies explained 2024 ACV Keto Gummies Shark Tank 1050mg ❌⚠️(ALERT)❌⚠️ Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies explained 2024 ACV Keto Gummies on Amazon: Shark Tank’s Secret to Success ((❌⚠️WATCH OUT⚠️❌)) Shark Tank ACV Keto KETO CUT ACV GUMMIES REVIEW ⚠️((ALERT!))⚠️ DOES KETO CUT ACV GUMMIES WORK? KETO CUT CHEWS GUMMIES Keto ACV Gummies: The Scam Exposed Essential Keto Gummies – (BEWARE) - Essential Keto Gummies Reviews – Is Essential Keto Gummies Safe? ACV Keto Gummies on Amazon: Shark Tank’s Secret to Success ⛔NEW ALERT⛔ Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Ketogenesis Keto Acv Gummies – (THE TRUTH) - Ketogenesis Keto Gummies Review –Does Ketogenesis Work? KETO ACV GUMMIES - ((BEWARE!!)) - ACV Keto Gummies - ACV Gummies Review - ACV Gummies Reviews Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Scam explained 2024 (( WATCH THIS!! )) - Shark Tank Keto Gummies Scam As Seen On Shark Tank Keto Gummies ❌⚠️(ALERT)❌⚠️ Keto Gummies That Were On Shark Tank Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies explained 2024 ❌⚠️(ALERT)❌⚠️ Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Reviews Shark Tank ACV Keto Gummies Scam explained 2024 (( WATCH OUT!! )) - Shark Tank Keto Gummies Scam